My daughter’s dance company is selling raffle tickets for their annual fundraiser. Tickets are only $2.00 and first prize is airfare for two. There is also the prize of a mini iPad for the dancer who sells the most tickets.
Ticket sales are moving more quickly than anticipated and we only printed out 3000 tickets. We are not able to print any more due to the gaming license rules. As such, the treasurer implemented a rule to try to keep the selling fair for everyone. You have to return your book of ticket stubs (10 tickets per book) with the money in order to receive another book. I had already collected money from friends before I learned about the rule. I paid for my tickets up front with their money but didn’t want to fill out the stubs on their behalf. I was given the 6 books for them to fill out.
On Sunday, Dave contacted me saying he needed raffle tickets. I asked him how many he wanted and he said, “as many as you can”. I explained the rule to him and that the treasurer wasn’t going to be available until Tuesday at 6:30 p.m. to collect ticket stubs, money and provide any new books. I told him that I had books that were already sold but that I hadn’t had a chance to see my friends yet to complete the entries. I said that he could have my books providing he gives them back with the payment by Tuesday so that I can get replacement books. He texted that he would have them sold by tomorrow, Monday. When he picked our daughter up for dinner on Sunday she gave him my 6 books of tickets.
When my daughter got home from school today, Monday, I asked about her dad’s plan to return the tickets. She said that he was bringing them over tonight on his way to pick up his parents from the airport. They were arriving at 10:30. p.m. I texted Dave at 3:34 p.m. to confirm what time he was coming and that our daughter would go out to meet him to get the tickets. He said that he didn’t sell all the tickets because people were “straggling in with their money.” I asked him if he could drop off the 3 books that he said that he did sell since he was coming this way (I live 5 minutes from the airport) and asked if he could pay upfront for the people who he knew were going to buy the other books ($60) as I needed to replace those tickets for my friends.
He told me that I had to go to him to get the tickets on Tuesday. He asked me to go to his office at 7:00 a.m. and to call him first. He would come down to meet me as I wasn’t to come up because I am banned from the premises. He told me that was my only option as he was busy otherwise.
I told him that I didn’t understand whey he couldn’t just drop off the tickets as he planned especially because he was driving right past my place tonight on the way to the airport. If he couldn’t leave 5 minutes earlier to get his parents I suggested I would be awake and he could drop them off after he picked up his parents. I reminded him that I gave him my tickets as a favour to him but also in an effort to help our daughter sell more tickets. I told him that if I didn’t have the tickets back by Tuesday that I couldn’t get any more books to sell, (I had already sold another one in the mean time) and that there was a good possibility they would be sold out. I reminded him that the ones I gave him were already paid for by others so then those people will be disappointed if they don’t end up getting tickets after all. The only reason I gave them to him is because he said he would have them sold by Monday and would get them back to me before Tuesday. I offered to go to the airport to get the tickets that night so he didn’t have to stop along the way. I reluctantly shared that I had surgery on Tuesday so that it was not possible to meet him that day. I asked him to have some compassion instead of asking me to run around to him. I told him someone else was driving me to and from my procedure and that I wasn’t going to have them inconvenienced further to drive me into town to his office so early especially when he made such a big deal previously about me ever going there.
His text response: “Compassion for what? Like you show for me and meet me half way to get (daughter)? I have a life. I won’t be coming home with my parents until after 11 p.m. If it takes just a few seconds then come sometime tomorrow and pick up. I’m not a tour delivery service. You leave everything to last minute and then try to blame shit on me. You’re on the executive. Make it work. If not it has to wait. I’m sure you’ll try to find a way to add it as an extraordinary expense and claim it later. So you won’t inconvenience someone but you’ll inconvenience my parents when they’ve come from a long day of travel and its 2:30 a.m. their time. Typical of you. I have no reason to be up the peninsula tomorrow so if you don’t come get them it will have to wait until Thursday. I don’t even have the tickets. They are at the office. Figure it out and stop being a bitch. You reap what you sow. You can’t say, write and do the things you do and think I’m doing you any favours. You have all day tomorrow so figure it out. You think I can adjust my schedule but why don’t you? You have an appointment tomorrow. So what. It won’t take you all day I’m sure. This isn’t my issue. You are the author of your own misfortune. But as usual you’ll find a way to blame me for your issue. ”
I just told him that he could return his tickets and his money to the treasurer directly himself at one of the times she indicated this week she would be at the studio, (he gets the emails with this information, too). I informed him that I would be recovering from my surgery tomorrow and that I was going to let go of worrying about how I was going to get replacement tickets.
When will I learn that there is no benefit in doing my ex a favour even if I think it will benefit my daughter. His word will never hold any validity and if he can use it as an opportunity to punish, control and withhold from me he will.
3 thoughts on “He is the Dick in Ridiculous”
Yes ma’am, when will you learn that you can NOT be nice to a narcissist? I can no longer do nice things for or with my ex because in the end, I am the only one that gets the short end of the stick. Even if you tell them specific details, they don’t give a squat and a half. They do things their way and that’s the bottom line. I have learned the hard way, but I learned. And now, my ex is paying the price for how he has made me become because I refuse to budge. I will not give him an inch, because I know he will more than likely take a yard. So, I just deal with the issue myself and I just make him deal with an issue by his self. And even then, he’s not happy. SO FUCK EM….I know that is not Christian grammar, but whatever. It sums up everything that I have said nicely. I hope you feel better, love!
You are still hanging on to some part of your relationship with him. From now on anything having to do with your children should be done between them and their father. If he screws up it will be on him. Now you are going to have to make apologies etc. because you tried to do something nice by interceding for your child. Let go of him. There is a wonderful preacher in the United States called TD Jakes. He has a wonderful sermon titled Let Them Go. He says if someone walks away from you let them go and that is what you need to do. This man has moved on and now enjoys whatever pain you feel. You are going to have to deal with the fact that he is no longer in your life except on the periphery because you share children. I am so sorry that this continues to happen between the two of you. Surely there is someway to get the attorneys to work these things out and you not have to communicate with him at all except through the attorneys. That should lessen your pain and frustration.
I’m just sorry you’re dealing with this. Worry on you. You were right to just tell him to deal with the treasurer himself, wash your hands of it. Keep copies of his terrible correspondence. His unreasonable nature can be all on him. You’re right. No favours any more. He can contact the treasurer and get his own books. Boo hoo.
Take care of you.