My father-in-law replies on March 1, 2013 to my e-mail to him confirming his son’s infidelity. This is his response:

“Normally I reply ‘thanks for the e-mail’ however this is one that no one looks forward to receiving. Devastated is the only term I can think of just now.

Mom has just come back in from her morning walk and we have read and re-read the two e-mails and they leave us both shattered.

I see that you have copied both of them and by opening of day they will both be aware that the ‘cat is out of the bag’ so to speak. It seems that they work together and that fact will make it difficult and everyone’s stress load will be at the top end. Discovery often leads to anger and aggression compounded by the frustrations that led to this point. Anger is not a solution beyond getting if off your chest.

My advice is to take a calmer approach, this is a complex situation, that seems to have no solution beyond complete destruction to your family right now–but that is not necessarily true. It will need patience, understanding and a desire to work together to solve the ‘issues’ that allowed the situation to develop in the first place.

The immediate problems is with the two of you, but it will have a dramatic affect on the girls, and it’s often difficult at their age to really understand the failed dynamic of a busy modern family.

People will offer easy advice and shallow judgements, but what the entire family will need is family counselling (allowing that you are all agreed that you do want to clear the air and put things back on a firm footing.) I know that both of you have an underlying religious belief and that may form a basis for you to get the process started.

Anger will be your initial reaction and then a period of wondering what it was that led to this point. There are always two sides to every marital conflict. Take it from my own experience, these issues are resolvable and the family structure can be restored. The secret is total honesty and frank assessment of ‘what got us here and how do we go forward?’

But enough of ‘Poppa’s lecture’ and more to the practical. Of course all of you will have our full support as matters go forward. We will certainly look forward to seeing you for the planned vacation and hope the logistics can be worked out so that all are able to visit. We are flexible and available to talk at any time.

Your entire family are in our prayers. We love you all.

Mom and Dad”