My older daughter sent me a screen shot of a message she received from her dad today.
Dad: Did you come by my place to use the bathroom?
Daughter: No? I am at work in Sidney. Why?
Dad: Over the weekend?
Daughter: No not at all. Why?
Dad: There was a turd in my toilet.
Daughter: HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I haven’t been there.
Maybe I’ll get a call from the police tomorrow questioning me as to whether or not I have a key to my ex’s place and asking for a sample of my DNA to rule out it belonging to me. Another nutty complaint in the police file he and Janice are building against me.
Not sure if he was away with Janice over the weekend or away with someone else. Maybe he’s copied a key to his place to one too many women and someone is sending him a stinky message. I know he gave another girl at their work (the one I suspected he was having the affair with) his apartment key while he was away so she could come in and feed his fish.
Or it is the just the universe’s way of re-gifting what he has figuratively given to me and our girls so many other times during the past 3 years.
scornedwifeblog 
You should tell him it’s obviously not a turd….it’s his dried-up penis and he needs to flush it down the toilet! LOL
Lol Laurel. Ewwwww just the vision 😬
I just remember one time, somebody asked me where Loser was. I was mad at him and said “somebody called him a turd and he flushed himself down the toilet.” LOL
(I wish he had….or “I” had.)
Hahahahaha good one!
LOL! If my soon to be ex found something like that, he will definitely blame it on meeee! Men!
Wow! Because any time you discover a turd in your toilet the obvious suspect wouldn’t be someone living there! Oh no! It would have to be the Poo Bandit. The Poo Bandit goes around pooping in unsuspecting people’s toilets and just leaves it there. It’s a bizarre calling card and yet, the Poo Bandit is proud to call it his (or perhaps *her*) own.
I think it is because no one else lives there and he must have been at his honey’s house all weekend. He came home to this lovely gift. I am sure it is just his own that he never flushed all the way, who knows. I hope came home to a lovely aroma, too!
Oh, I thought he lived with his honey, I guess he is not willing to commit to her. Huh!
I think he is definitely keeping a separate place for a reason.
Probably time to unleash the inner Sherlock within and find out the offender. Breaking-in and leaving a trail isn’t a sign of a professional, so this looks more like the handiwork of some naive loo-breaker. Given what you have written about his past flings, the probability of someone sending a stinker couldn’t be ruled out as well.
So funny, Malcolm.