affairs, divorce, God, mediation, sin, Spiritual, worldly

What colour is this dress?

Have you seen the dress everyone is talking about? It is black and blue yet a photo of it taken in a different light shows it to many people to be gold and white. What is really interesting is that you can get a group of people around the same photo and some see it as gold and white while others see it as black and blue.

The Explanation: “Light enters the eye through the lens—different wavelengths corresponding to different colors. The light hits the retina in the back of the eye where pigments fire up neural connections to the visual cortex, the part of the brain that processes those signals into an image. Critically, though, that first burst of light is made of whatever wavelengths are illuminating the world, reflecting off whatever you’re looking at. Without you having to worry about it, your brain figures out what color light is bouncing off the thing your eyes are looking at, and essentially subtracts that color from the “real” color of the object. “Our visual system is supposed to throw away information about the illuminant and extract information about the actual reflectance,” says Jay Neitz, a neuroscientist at the University of Washington. “But I’ve studied individual differences in color vision for 30 years, and this is one of the biggest individual differences I’ve ever seen.” (Neitz sees white-and-gold.)

Could it be the same way with our view points?

For 23 years, my ex and I seem to have seen the same view of the world reflected back to us. We have seen it through spiritual eyes and we have seen it through worldly eyes. Together, I felt, we tried to do good and contribute to the universe in a positive light. We tried to represent and stand for right. We gave sacrificially of our time and our money. We partnered together to do what was best for meeting the needs of our children, our families, our friends, our community and even strangers. It wasn’t always what we wanted to do but we put our own selfish desires aside so much of the time acting on faith and trusting in God that as long as we did what was right we believed that we too, would win in the long run, and the world would be better for it.

When did my ex start seeing the world through his own selfish eyes instead of God’s eyes? When did his visual system that was supposed to throw away false information fed to him by Satan stop extracting information about the actual reflectance of God? When did he stop being able to distinguish gold and white from black and blue?

Why does it surprise me then when his vision is so cloudy that for more than 2 years he makes decisions to only take care of his own wants and desires. Why does it surprise me that he doesn’t pay child support, spousal support or pay any percentage of his children’s activities and medical/dental expenses? Why does it surprise me that even when in mediation he agreed to pay a specific percentage of the pet expenses, he doesn’t? Why does it surprise me that he allowed his life insurance to lapse even though he agreed in mediation not to let that happen. He chooses instead to leave me and his children with a huge exposure so that if he were to die today my kids have no financial support for their future, no education money, and I am left with the burden of all of his debt? Why does it surprise me that even though in mediation he agreed to close out our joint bank account immediately he never has and I am the only one who has put money in that account to cover our joint expenses? On top of that, why does he think it is okay to access that account using my money to pay for his own personal bills? Now that I am not putting any money in there why does he think it is okay to not put back what he stole from me, pay off the overdraft so we can close the account and not incur any more wasted service charges? Why should I be surprised that he will not allow any of the funds from a property we sold together to be disbursed equally between us so I can pay my bills, the ones he isn’t contributing to and should be? And especially why am I surprised, when an oversight was made in mediation leaving me responsible for all of our pre-separation debt, why does he not acknowledge that isn’t fair and agree to pay his 50%? This would resolve our current dispute, allow us to move forward, stop the waste of legal expenses, allow for a more equitable settlement and it would be the right thing to do.

I do not recognize the person my ex has become at all. I only see black when I look him. There is definitely no gold. I concur with Neitz. This is one of the biggest individual differences I, too, have ever seen!

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2 thoughts on “What colour is this dress?

  1. jules says:

    Go see a lawyer………No mediation…….a lawyer……you are letting him abuse you….it stops when you say it stops….get him out of your life…he will make you miserable till the day you die…do not let him…..shake .the devil away

  2. Thank you, Jules. I had a lawyer with me at mediation. There was one error with respect to debt repayment that I am trying to have corrected before I sign the good copy that is more detailed. All of the pre-separation debt was attributed to me. It was a 13 hour mediation, one break to go and get a coffee, we only ate lunch that was catered in so we were all not thinking our most clear. I left there at 11:00 p.m. so done and very emotional. I signed the agreement so my ex is saying it is binding and he won’t reconsider. I was left paying back $122,500 and he was left paying back $27,500 even though he didn’t pay spousal or child support for the year and 8 months prior. Didn’t make sense to me at the time what happened. I didn’t understand why the numbers weren’t working. I still have a lawyer. I still have an ex who just refuses to do anything until I sign the good copy agreement. I can’t sign because it goes against my conscience. The agreement spells out that I say it is fair, won’t leave me in financial hardship, I am not being coerced into signing, etc. I told them if they want to say the agreement is binding that my ex needs to treat it as such and follow what he agreed to. I haven’t broken anything that I said I was going to do (I need to still list our house but the realtor wanted some things done first and the agreement says my ex needs to pay 50% of whatever the realtor recommends–hasn’t happened). I think my ex likes that I haven’t signed because it lets him off the hook for his responsibilities right now. 100% he is the devil and I want him out of my life more than you could possibly know. He will never do anything that might be perceived as helpful, kind, nice let alone do what a normal person would consider “right”.

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