I recently received, in my inbox, an email from Oprah.com with an article entitled “How to Spot the Hidden Narcissist in Your Life”. I watched the video that teaches you how to protect yourself after identifying an narcissist by learning how to engage and when to walk away.
Beneficial to me was the coping mechanism of “catching the narcissist doing something good.” This direction on how to approach the narcissist in your life suggests that you point out times they show caring, concern or empathy. Research shows that the more the narcissist sees they can rely on feeling good from relationships the less they turn to the addiction of needing to feel special or superior in other unhealthy ways.
I tried this.
I thanked Dave for selling the 3 coupon books that I gave him for our daughter’s dance program. I also complimented him on selling the 10 raffle tickets I gave him to sell. I thanked him by text for getting the money back to me and then suggested that he might want to even look at buying some gift cards for places that he regularly frequents, through her dance program fundraiser, for himself and Christmas gifts. A specific percentage, depending on the company, goes back to our daughter directly. He got back to me a few days later and said he had money for the poinsettia fundraiser, too. He gets all the fundraising emails but he has never raised funds for her before. My response, “Wow, you did poinsettias. That is awesome. I hear they are beautiful for the price.” He asked what he had to do with the order forms and I told him that I would hand everything in for him. He mentioned that the order had to be in that day so I just asked him to email the rep and let her know it would come in the next day and make sure that was okay. He did.
A couple of days later I asked him if he was interested in picking up our daughter from dance on a night that I had a conflict. He didn’t respond for 3 days so I made other arrangements but then he did respond saying he would get her. The day after he picked her up I texted him saying, “Thank you for picking up (daughter’s name). I am sure she misses seeing her dad every day.”
The blurb under the video I watched has this message:
It’s not always easy to spot a narcissist, but knowing who they are can save you from heartbreak. Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, breaks down the hidden warning signs of a narcissist. Watch as he explains how they work—and how you can protect your own emotional health.
The video is only 6 minutes long and worth the view.