In my Souper Bowl post I shared my experience of a very enjoyable lunch with Victoria Police Chief, Frank Elsner. When I found out he was married, that was the end of it for me. We had a legitimate connection and I loved the time we spent in conversation but I excused myself from the table and moved on.
I was so disappointed and saddened tonight when my friend texted me to say that my police chief friend was in trouble for inappropriate conduct with the wife of a Victoria Police officer. He told me it was all over the news. My heart honestly broke. I immediately thought of his wife and the one daughter that lives in Victoria, the same age as my youngest daughter.
I texted my close friend right away who is married to a Victoria Police officer to see if it was true. She confirmed it. I jokingly asked if she was the wife in question. More seriously I asked her if she had any inclination that Frank was a dog because after I told her about my interaction with him at lunch she clearly didn’t feel the same way I felt about him. I remembered that she had been spot on about my husband regarding his behaviour at our Christmas party, just 2 months before I found out about his affair. She told me she just found out about all of this and has only had a handful of interactions with the chief but “sometimes you just get a sense about someone.”
Sure enough, Global BC reported tonight that “Victoria’s police chief admits he is ashamed and humiliated by his own conduct. An internal Police board investigation has determined Frank Elsner exchanged inappropriate messages with the wife of a subordinate officer. Despite that, the civilian board is standing by the chief even as questions have surfaced about the nature of the board’s investigation of the entire affair.”
Frank came on the television and said, “This was a momentary lapse of judgement and again I, I (yes he stuttered) sincerely and fully take full responsibility for but I am really sorry for. It was really stupid.” For the intelligent man I had met and know him to be by his degrees and success, he did sound really stupid.
My thought then was that he should lose his job. He has to have lost all respect and confidence as the leader of a 200 plus police force and by the public. Why should the police officer of the wife he was inappropriate with have to answer to him. I know of a special task force officer who lost his job from this same police force for sleeping with another special task force officer’s wife. This is a job where trust of your coworkers can mean life or death. Confidence, trust and respect of your police chief for the public is paramount, too.
Apparently, Frank was contacting, via Twitter, a female, who is a member of another police force and is married to a Victoria police department officer. We have several municipality police departments around Victoria with separate police and RCMP as well. A physical relationship was implied but Frank denies any relationship.
Frank said that he brought the situation to the attention of his wife. He claims it is a personal matter and it does not affect his employment or his ability to lead this organization.
The board was trying to keep it all confidential because they support the chief and what he has done for Victoria and because two families have been “very affected” and “broken up over this.”
I am just sad. It seems personal to me.
Frank indicated: “This doesn’t meet the standard that is expected of me, or that I expect from myself,” he says. “This will never happen again…It’s over, it’s done with, and the matter is complete.”
I suspect that is very much what Frank wishes. My experience is that this is only the beginning. Certainly between he and his wife, his relationship with his daughters, the public, his police force, regulatory board, city council, coworkers, etc. the matter is definitely not complete. It will be a mark on his character for the rest of his life.
scornedwifeblog 
Shame…
I don’t know how things work where you live but here, it’s almost like that kind of behavior is expected from prominent people. They might be a little embarrassed when they “get caught” but there is no real punishment. They are not ostracized.
Loser cheated…and cheated….and cheated. His family and friends knew and THEY DIDN’T CARE. They might have been disappointed for a minute but he never lost any friends….I did.
It may be a mark on this chiefs’ character….until the next incident involving somebody else. Then it will be forgotten and he will emerge unscathed….just like they always do.
Just another dog? Yup. No shocker there. And he will groom his wife to protect his image. If she has any back bone she will turf his cheating ass and not be a puppet in this ugly mess. He is hopeing she will remain quiet and do her part in the cover up. Wounding her yet again.
I will point out something that I hopes helps you. When you first met this man you described him as attractive and were disappointed to find he was married… You fell for his charm. Same charm or trait that your soon to be ex has? So what is it about you that gravitates toward these type of men? Your radar is not picking up the traits.
Your radar needs fixing.
The clip- very interesting thought. Damn. Fix the picker. Hardest part? Riskiest?
I haven’t picked anyone yet. Attraction is one thing but I certainly would never go for a married man. I date, I try out the relationship, but so far no one is good enough for me. That I recognize and then it is done. There are some men that I love spending time with for various reasons but they know where they stand with me.
I have thought of that point exactly, Clip. I can usually pick up on guys who try to make a girl feel like the centre of attention for their own purpose and those guys are a huge turn off for me.
The police chief and I did have a ton of things in common. He was intelligent and it was the content and flow of the conversation that I appreciated. Easy, natural, fun, meaningful, two-sided, witty, etc. This was an instant connection that was very comfortable to me. He approached me. (Now I wonder if he was out looking!) I was there by myself and I felt so compelled to be at this event that I thought maybe this was the reason. I am so glad he told me he was married. I have no idea how women can pursue a man who they know is married regardless of any attraction. I know for a fact that I will never be a “Janice Andrews”. Never!!!!!
With respect to my ex, it was a little different in that I knew him first, for over a year, and we went out often but always in a group. He pursued me. There was no instant connection or chemistry. I wasn’t interested in him at all and was surprised when he asked me out. I actually said, “No” initially. It was the signs after we started dating, broke up, got back together and moved in very quickly that were my fault for ignoring. I caught him lying. I certainly experienced his selfishness and meanness. I started studying the bible and he turned very angry and he was completely unsupportive. I kept it up and was quite prepared to put God first and end our relationship. I prayed very specifically about marrying Dave in that I prayed God would make it obvious that he wasn’t the one if God didn’t want me to be with him. We actually decided to call off the wedding at one point and then Dave said he didn’t want that, he did want to marry me, he would come to church with me, he would study the bible and he did keep his word on everything. That changed our entire relationship. There were some bumps over 18 years but there was nothing significant (he never would be the one to apologize, ever, that never changed) and I thought we really did have a great marriage. I know the split was so shocking to everyone–friends and family because we were a very happy couple. I was honestly shocked to discover the affair and the deceit trail that unravelled afterwards was equally as unbelievable to me. That was the reason I knew I would never be with this man again for any reason. I know that he was living as two very different people in at least the last year of our marriage but the deceit trail went back to 7 years prior when my mom was sick and I often took the kids to spend weekends with her an hour away. I knew I would NEVER trust him again.
It is different for me now in that there is no biological clock or reason for me to find a partner. I don’t feel like I need a man in my life for any reason and I don’t even want one right now. Looking back at my relationship with Dave I settled because of where I was at in my life journey but also because of my faith in God. I still trust that God chose that man for me. He used our marriage for his glory and I know he is using our split for his glory. I grew to love him very much and for the most part I felt I had the best partner in the world. I told him and his parents all the time that I got the last good guy. He portrayed himself to be that way to me and the kids.
I consider Janice to be the stupidest girl in the world. She knows he was living a double, deceitful life (as was she) and yet they still chose each other and continue with each other. I know that I would never choose a man like that. I would start a relationship like that. That type of man is the lowest to me and repulses me. I have never been that woman and never will be that woman. Dave and Janice are perfectly matched.
I am the luckiest girl to not have to spend any more time with someone like David. My character has been the same all the way through. My morals and values have never changed. They have no morals or values and if Dave ever did he lost those along the way. When that became apparent, the relationship was over for me. That is the same way in my dating life. If something isn’t right, I am the first to say that this is not what I want and things end. I pay close attention to red flags.
Since the end of my marriage, I have never been looking for another partner. If I find someone it has to be someone who’s company I love. In the meantime, I am enjoying dating. It is teaching me a lot about myself–what I want in a relationship, a partner, a friend and certainly what I won’t tolerate. I am taking my time and I am completely content to be single for the rest of my life. At this point, my freedom is the most important thing to me. The idea of “settling down” again seems too constraint for me. I don’t think I even want to stay in this city. I am keeping myself open for opportunity. I am giving myself all the time I need to get my picker right.