Choosing a partner has life long consequences for everyone associated with the union. Some are impacted more directly, like the partners themselves, their children, their family and closest friends but everyone who is involved in the connection shares pieces.
Unfortunately, we can link in life to people who don’t love us or care what happens to us. They love themselves so much that they do what pleases them with no regard for who it effects. They may even consciously choose to harm us. When we try to save ourselves and protect our loved ones in the destroyers path it becomes impossible to unyoke from them. For my children and me it has been 7 years! We may be able to loosen their grip but they hang around our neck weighing us down, refusing to let go and dragging us through the mud with them.
My older daughter (22) was asking me questions about why we are still stuck. I told her some of the ongoing issues. Her dad has a different story so I told her that she could read the court decision and make her own determination. My younger daughter (17 but will be 18 in two months) was present during the conversation. That was all that was said. I didn’t know if they read it or not. Later, I heard my older daughter say to my younger daughter, “How do you feel that dad won’t pay for your dance?” I wasn’t in the same room and didn’t hear her response. It may have been a gesture but I don’t know. My older daughter said to her, “Why don’t you ask him to buy you a pair of Tap shoes or something.” Her response was, “I’m not asking him for anything.”
I beg God to let me and our children out of this nightmare. I receive responses in different ways that allows me to trust in God, trust in his timing, trust in his plan for our lives and future. I believe that God loves me and he loves my ex husband, equally. I believe that he loves our children. I believe that God loves my ex husband so much and is so hurt and saddened by his path choice and where it has taken him and continues to lead him, that he allows him opportunity after opportunity to do the right thing even if those opportunities hurt me and our children. That is the difficulty in being dragged around on a partner’s journey. We are trying desperately to jump off, This is my “for better or for worse.” My kids did not make that vow but because they were born of our vow, they end up being unwilling participants cinched in on a ride they desperately want to end.