cheating, father/daughter, infidelity, letter, marriage breakdown, other woman, relationships

A daughter’s letter to her cheating father

After discovering explicit sexual texts on her dad’s Blackberry between her dad and another woman, my 15-year old daughter sent her out-of-town father the following email on March 1, 2013:

“I realize that you and mom haven’t gotten along for a while now and I came to terms with that a long time ago. I am okay with that. I have been waiting a while now to hear the news of a separation or divorce. I’m strong. I could have handled that and accepted that. If you two were fine with that, I would have been too. However screwing around with some slut from work is unforgivable as far as I am concerned. I don’t know what you were thinking but I’m not sure if you realized entirely what you were doing. You permanently damaged not only your marriage, but your family as well. I never in a million years thought you were that selfish.

On top of your actions, you don’t even care. You left this morning because hockey means more to you than your family does. You have left a fifteen year old girl to clean up your mess. I am trying to be strong for mom and (sister’s name) but it is hard. Now imagine how mom is feeling. You can say that her disorder is not real, but trust me, it is. Mom is depressed. What if mom had have found this out on her own? She could have done something much worse than e-mail your parents–to you or even herself.

Since mom crying doesn’t seem to have any effect on you, do you realize what this means for (sister’s name) and I? We will obviously be living with mom, I don’t want (sister’s name) anywhere near your “little turtle.” She does not need to be influenced by a whore. Mom has no job, how will she support us? I guess I will be returning to (public high school name) next year, seeing as mom will barely be able to afford housing, food and clothing for (sister’s name) and I, let alone an expensive school.

Night after night, I would wait for you to come home. I wouldn’t eat because I was waiting for my daddy to come eat with me. Then I would get a phone call, or a text, or sometimes nothing. Little did I know you were treating her to expensive dinners. Remember when you told me family was your number one priority? You said we come first which is why you were never late for dinner, and was always home by lunch on weekends. What happened to my dad?

While mom was crying the other night saying that she loves you and that she wants to fix things (sister’s name) and I were listening. You did not try to work things out. (Sister’s name) is eleven. She does not need the stress of an unfaithful father. She doesn’t deserve it, She deserves a family. Not a broken mom and a father with a skank for a girlfriend.

Yes, I do mean to be rude. I owe her no respect. If you expect me to meet this woman–the woman that ruined our family (did she ruin our family or were there more?) be nice to her and actually like her, then you are very wrong. As far as I am concerned, she is just a skank that fucked my dad while he was still married to my mom. Leaving me to pick up the pieces of a broken mom and devastated sister.

Are you honestly this stupid that you think this girl actually loves you? Think about it. Look how much younger she is. You are a man with money, and a man who can probably get her promoted job-wise. Right now, she is enjoying the $100 meals, and $50 Pandora charms. Wait until you are broke. She will leave you in a heartbeat. I look forward to this. You will realize what you have lost–not just your wife, but your kids as well. I saw the look on mom’s face when she saw your text messages. I saw her shaking and trying to hold in her tears. Do you think I will ever forgive you for making my mom feel that way?

The fact that you have the nerve to call (boyfriend’s name) a douche and say that he treats me like shit makes me livid after finding out about something like this. At least when I tell (boyfriend’s name) I love him, he says I love you back. He has never once held my mental state against me or tried to make me feel like less of a person because I have horrible mood swings or the fact that I cut myself. He helps me work through it and inspires me to stop harming myself–which I have. I feel that this ordeal will put me into another downward spiral. However, I know (boyfriend’s name) will be here for me to help me work through it. No matter how mad he is at me, not matter what I have done if I am crying, he immediately calms himself down and does everything in his power to make me feel better. He hugs me, tells me I am beautiful and tells me he loves me. You do not do this for mom. You insult her physical and mental state on a regular basis. I never want to hear you even utter a bad word about (boyfriend’s name) again, ever. He is a thousand times more of a man than you are.

I do not want to meet with you. I have no interest in hearing your petty arguments; trying to turn this around as if it was mom’s fault. This is not her fault. This is a result of your selfish mindset. I am honestly ashamed to be your daughter; ashamed that I see aspects of you in myself. I will never do anything like this in my lifetime. You are probably very angry with me for this e-mail, and that is fine. I understand. But, you are in the wrong here.

I hope you miss us. That is what you deserve.

I will tell (teacher’s name) that you are not available to mentor for my business group anymore. I do not want you involved in my life right now.

For your sake, I hope this woman isn’t what we all think she is. At least treat her better than you treated mom. She did so much for you and you didn’t even see it. Now that we are all gone you will begin to see how good you had it. You had a family that loved you and now you have a slut that is using you for your power and money. I really do hope she is different.

Goodbye.

(daughter’s name)”

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cheating, in-laws, infidelity, relationships

My Father-in-law responds to the affair of his son

My father-in-law replies on March 1, 2013 to my e-mail to him confirming his son’s infidelity. This is his response:

“Normally I reply ‘thanks for the e-mail’ however this is one that no one looks forward to receiving. Devastated is the only term I can think of just now.

Mom has just come back in from her morning walk and we have read and re-read the two e-mails and they leave us both shattered.

I see that you have copied both of them and by opening of day they will both be aware that the ‘cat is out of the bag’ so to speak. It seems that they work together and that fact will make it difficult and everyone’s stress load will be at the top end. Discovery often leads to anger and aggression compounded by the frustrations that led to this point. Anger is not a solution beyond getting if off your chest.

My advice is to take a calmer approach, this is a complex situation, that seems to have no solution beyond complete destruction to your family right now–but that is not necessarily true. It will need patience, understanding and a desire to work together to solve the ‘issues’ that allowed the situation to develop in the first place.

The immediate problems is with the two of you, but it will have a dramatic affect on the girls, and it’s often difficult at their age to really understand the failed dynamic of a busy modern family.

People will offer easy advice and shallow judgements, but what the entire family will need is family counselling (allowing that you are all agreed that you do want to clear the air and put things back on a firm footing.) I know that both of you have an underlying religious belief and that may form a basis for you to get the process started.

Anger will be your initial reaction and then a period of wondering what it was that led to this point. There are always two sides to every marital conflict. Take it from my own experience, these issues are resolvable and the family structure can be restored. The secret is total honesty and frank assessment of ‘what got us here and how do we go forward?’

But enough of ‘Poppa’s lecture’ and more to the practical. Of course all of you will have our full support as matters go forward. We will certainly look forward to seeing you for the planned vacation and hope the logistics can be worked out so that all are able to visit. We are flexible and available to talk at any time.

Your entire family are in our prayers. We love you all.

Mom and Dad”

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