affairs, divorce

Happy Valentine’s Day!

While my husband was having an affair he brought me a dozen, red, long-stemmed roses and gave me a beautiful card for Valentine’s Day. He brought both of our daughters a rose as well. I had little gifts and cards for our girls from both of us. I made dinner for him and the kids and we had a lovely family meal although I felt that he wasn’t acting particular grateful or appreciative of my effort or fond of what I made. I baked a special dish I had never made before, horse radish encrusted salmon, that we always ordered from a restaurant we used to eat at together, Blues Bayou Café. We had wine. I bought a special decadent dessert for us all to enjoy. I gave him a sexy card and some fun flavoured lubricants. We enjoyed an intimate night in the bedroom afterwards.

Who knew he was buying his girlfriend a Valentine’s Day card at the same time he was buying me one. He bought her jewellery. Three days following Valentine’s Day we went to an art showing where our oldest daughter’s art work was being displayed. He met us there, left us there, and took his girlfriend out for dinner, wining and dining her with his gifts. He came home to us afterwards.

I found our anniversary card from 5 months before Valentine’s Day. He wrote in it: “Happy 18th wedding anniversary. Every year just keeps getting better and better.” He was in an affair within 3 months of writing that card. I shared that with him after discovering the affair and asked him why he said that when he was now telling people he hadn’t been happy for 8 years. He said, “You can only hope.”

So many falsehoods I’d later discover.

This Valentine’s Day, 2015, for me involves dinner with friends at a new restaurant. Drinks and a fun, getting to know you, card game with 2 other couples and my date, before dinner. Then the hot tub and cheesecake after dinner at one of the couple’s home.

Prior to the evening, I am going to be showing love to me. After having been so mistreated I am finding it important to take the time to do things that give me pleasure. Not the hedonistic, selfish kind of pleasure, but something that lets me know I care for and love me. If I wanted roses, I’d buy them for myself. If I wanted jewellery, I’d buy my own. None of that is important to me. Instead, I will be spending time doing what I love, eating foods I enjoy and treating myself to pampering.

All I can do is give love. I can’t control other people’s response back. I don’t know their motives, whether they are pretending or their true feelings. That is their issue, not mine. It is hurtful to feel that my husband didn’t want my love. What I think was more the problem was that he wanted my love, used my love, wanted more of my love but it was never enough. I could never give enough; I could never do enough; I could never be enough. He sought love and attention from any where else he could get it (as I discovered was more than just the affair with Janice) and in order to get that love he would be the person he needed to be. A double life for sure. That is the person I was not prepared to be married to any longer. That is the type of person I knew clearly I could never trust again.

It is nice to be shown love in special ways on February 14 by those who are closest to us and to get surprises from unexpected sources of love, too, but let’s remember to practice self-love. Let’s meet our own needs and reward and treat our self just for being instead of waiting for someone else to meet those needs for us. We are worthy. When I make myself feel great, I am much more mindful of how others make me feel and more likely to question whether they are people I really want in my life.

The Law of Attraction supports that what we put out into the universe comes back to us. Loving ourselves; loving others; is a great place to start. I am wishing for the feeling of love that one might want expressed to them on Valentine’s Day to be returned back to them every day of the year.

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affairs, Betrayal, cheating, control, domestic abuse, God

Authentic Love

Prior to Katy Perry singing “By the Grace of God” at the 2015 Grammy Awards tonight, Brooke Axtell made a speech in reference to surviving domestic violence. This is an excerpt from what she shared:

“Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not honour and respect you I want you to know that you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. Your voice will save you. Let it extend into the night; part the darkness. Let it set you free to know who you truly are: valuable, beautiful, loved.”

I didn’t even know I was in an abusive relationship. It was verbal, mental and emotional torture. I know that I felt devalued and unloved many times but it has taken friends and professionals and the distance of separation to make it clear. I had friends say that I would laugh things off that were so mean, degrading and not funny at all and that their husbands would never say or do things like mine did.

Some of the things he has texted me recently are as follows:

‘You are sad and pathetic; you can’t move on and look pathetic for it; your older daughter already sees how pathetic you are and your younger one is not far off; even your friends are falling by the wayside; you’re an idiot; #crazylady; hypocrite; figure it out tubby; what a fat cunt you are; fuck you; spoiled bitch; fuck you and figure it out; mom of the year; take a look in the mirror Broom Hilda; you ain’t what its all cracked up to be; ole miss big mouth forgets how hypocritical she sounds; hey rockstar, learn how to use your phone; you’re such an awful example of not only a mother but a person; if anything happens to (our daughter) it will be all your fault; and how dumb are you; it’s no wonder the kids are damaged; you really have some mental issues; it’s no wonder the kid hates your guts; go put another cookie in your mouth; Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaaaa!; keep your opinions to yourself because I don’t want or need to hear them. That’s why we’re divorcing…so I don’t have to hear them any longer; angry ex-wife; get the story straight before you beak off; my truth is fuck off; get the facts and shut the fuck up; you are a vindictive money grabbing angry sad sack of a being; you’re a joke; what a two-faced hypocrite you are; you’re delusional; don’t put your big nose in our daughter’s business; you aspire to do nothing with your life; the smartest thing I ever did was leaving you.”

I haven’t gone back and looked at emails but I remember him calling me a “waste of skin”, telling me I need to do something with my appearance, too bad I let myself go; have another slice of cheesecake; I needed to wear makeup; my life has no purpose; calling me Einstein, etc.

I know I started to push back in the months before I found out about the affair when he said my food “tastes like shit” in front of the kids.

There was no authentic love from my husband towards me. However, I have made the decision that I will not be shamed, silenced and abused by him any more. I told him by text on January 21, 2015, after a harassing phone call that had no purpose other than to abuse, that if he continues to call or text me I will get a restraining order against him. His response: “Hahaha”. I haven’t had any phone calls or texts since.

I am worthy of love. I am lovable. I am loved by God and see him working in my life showing me his love every day. I am loved by many, many people who show me love with their actions, words, gifts, service and affection every single day. I have tons of friends and I am a very good friend. I have value and I am beautiful inside and out. I know who I truly am. Authentic love does exist in my life; just not from my ex.

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insurance adjuster, Janice Andrews images, shame

Janice Andrews, Victoria, BC, Identity of a Cheater

Janice's facebook photo

Hiding her face and she should in shame!

Sex-texting my  husband and sending this photo from Las Vegas, February 2013

Sex-texting my husband and sending this photo from Las Vegas, February 2013

Janice Andrews pursued my husband while working with him in the same office of Coast Claims. They handled more than claims together.

Janice Andrews pursued my husband while they worked together in the Coast Claims office and handled claims together for the Municipality of Saanich. They handled more than claims together. She knew he was married and even though I was at the company Christmas party she hung all over my husband the entire night.

She cheated on her 12-year common-law husband with my husband of 22 years.

She cheated on her 12-year common-law husband with my husband of 22 years.

Homewrecker, Janice Andrews

Homewrecker, Janice Andrews.  My husband bought her a Pandora charm for Valentine’s Day 2013 before I found out about the affair.  He used our joint bank account to make the purchase.  It was $55.  When I inquired why there was another charge for $30 he actually told me that she already had that charm. She told him what charm she really wanted so he exchanged it and paid the additional cost.

Another dinner with my husband

Sharing her photo after yet another expensive dinner with my husband at Il Terrazzo. Does she know my husband isn’t paying child support or spousal support?

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cheating, children, deceitfulness, divorce, infidelity, lies, other woman, relationships, Uncategorized

Intuition

It has now been 1 year since I discovered my husband’s affair.

I decided to go back and see what was going on in e-mail conversations during that time.  Unfortunately my phone was replaced so I don’t have text messages between us from back then.

There are some specific things that stand out in my mind.  In January 2013 my husband left me, our 2 daughters and one of their friends waiting at a very busy restaurant for 45 minutes before he showed up.  My daughter had talked to him just 30 minutes before the agreed meeting time.  He failed to answer his cell phone when I was trying to find out where he was and when he did finally arrive he said, “I was out on a claim and I never said I would be here at 6:00 p.m.”  Then he shoved an onion ring in his mouth.  Maybe I was so trusting I accepted what he said; maybe I couldn’t accept another reason at that time; maybe I was too lazy to inquire further or more likely I was just too annoyed, disappointed and hurt.

When I discovered with no doubt an affair was happening, I was so shocked and disbelieving but should I have been?  I realized after the fact that there were some other things I should have questioned further.

The last e-mail where he told me loved me was September 9, 2012.  Our 18th wedding anniversary was September 10 and he joked he was spending the night with his mistress as it was their one year anniversary.  There is a gap in our email conversations from September 27 – October 16 and the emails following that date are about a fight that Dave picked with me upon his return from a couple of days away on business.  He arrived home the weekend of my first 1/2 marathon.  He complained that the house was still as messy as it was when he left and made a way bigger deal of this than seemed reasonable.  He didn’t come to support me at the 1/2 marathon and didn’t bring our girls down to cheer me on.  That was Thanksgiving weekend and when I came home from the race, as sore and tired as I was with blisters on my feet that prevented me from walking without limping, I still put the turkey in the oven and then left the house and went to the beach to get away and to rest.  I returned to put dinner on the table and my husband announced in front of the girls “the stuffing tastes like shit.”

He didn’t want to come with me to my girlfriend’s surprise 40th birthday in November but I finally convinced him that I really wanted him to be there with me.  He always seemed to pick a fight or wouldn’t come with me to meet new friends or do anything with my friends when we had plans to go out.

At his company Christmas party on December 14 he ignored me the entire time.  I noticed a couple of women hanging on to his every word but I didn’t ask about them and looking at them I didn’t see anything special that would make me think my husband was interested.  It turns out that the one woman was the “other woman”.  Something happened the night before at their client party because that date, December 13, came out in a text I found when I discovered the affair.  We left his Christmas party hand in hand.  The 2 girls who talked to him all night followed us out at the same time. I was social that night with his other coworkers and their wives but I was not enjoying myself.  He was drunk and on display so I just let him have his fun.  After all, it was his company party.  I even tried to build up his ego by commenting on the girls hanging off him.

When we went to my sister’s house in Vancouver on December 27 for our family Christmas he got very drunk and told my sister in front of her 3 girls, who are in their 20’s, my kids, and my niece’s boyfriend that if he wasn’t with me he would be with my sister.  When I told my sister about his affair she was stunned but said he was acting so inappropriately at Christmas that she and my nieces were all commenting on it afterwards.  The next day when we were travelling home he was just being mean and not wanting to do the Boxing Day shopping that me and my girls were interested in doing. He said he wasn’t hung over and was feeling well.  He definitely had started to drink a lot more since joining his new company in the summer of 2011.   He had dial-a-driver programmed into his phone.  He had been using this service quite frequently over the previous 6 months.

He told me January 24, 2014 that the guys on his hockey team were taking him out for his birthday the next night. He did have hockey scheduled on the calendar and that was usual for a Friday night.  When I asked where they were going he said to the Keg.  That is a fine dining restaurant, not a boys-going-out-for-a-beer kind of place.   The next night we went out for his birthday to a Pink in the Rink Royals hockey game.   I bought him a chuck-a-puck and he won 2 tickets to Rihanna, hotel and airfare.  When he saw the date of the concert he had a tantrum because it was the day we were to return from our Florida March break vacation.  He stomped and said childishly, “I want to go and you scheduled our trip longer than I wanted you to.”  I was dumbfounded and just looked at him.  Again, this was his behavior in front of our girls.

In February he starts to stay later at work.  I remember calling him on a February Saturday morning just after I dropped my daughter at dance on a Saturday morning reminding him to order tickets to our daughter’s dance recital.  His response was very terse and hurried telling me he had to go out on 3 claims and couldn’t talk.  Usually on Saturday mornings he takes the dog for a hike by himself.  The next Saturday morning in February he tells me he is taking the dog for a hike but not leaving at 10:30 a.m.  He always went alone.  Why was he going at a specific time?  I never questioned this.   My girlfriend invited us to a house-warming party after my daughter’s dance recital and he refused to go.  Another night in February, he wanted to have sex and is mad I don’t feel like using toys.  He turns over and decides then not to have sex with me at all.  On 2 other occasions in February it took a long time for him to get an erection.  I found a bottle of lubrication in our bathroom.  I asked him what it was doing on the counter and he tells me he was looking at the ingredients in it.  On February 14 when we last had sex it was very different; aggressive and raunchy.  I asked him afterwards who he was having sex with because it wasn’t me.  February 18 he mentions separation.  On February 26 he told me he contacted our tenants at our home in Cambridge Ontario saying we were going to sell the home.  That shocked me.  He was moving quickly to get rid of our assets.  I mentioned that our banker suggested a spousal RRSP and he said, “What if you aren’t going to continue to be my spouse?”  I remember talking to him in the kitchen and thinking that he was looking at me as though he despised me.  On the evening of February 26 I was sobbing and begging my husband to not just leave but to go to counseling to work on our marriage.  He said that I would never change.

In Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she indicates that “…psychologists believe that intuition is a rapid-fire, unconscious associating process–like a mental puzzle.  The brain makes an observation, scans its files, and matches the observation with existing memories, knowledge, and experiences.  Once it puts together a series of matches, we get a “gut” on what we’ve observed.”

On February 28 he was leaving to go to Vancouver the next morning.  We were watching t.v. together but he got up suddenly to say he was going to bed because he had to get up early in the morning.  I told him we wouldn’t see each other before he left so we should hug goodbye now.  He sighed with annoyance.  I said, “You don’t want to hug me goodbye?”  He said, “No, you can hug me.”  It was exactly at that moment that my gut finally made me check my husband’s phone.

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cheating, children, emails, family, feelings, infidelity, insensitivity, marriage breakdown, relationships

The sensitivity of a gnat

My husband’s birthday is January 26.  He was already having sex with the other woman by this time.  He actually celebrated his birthday with her after playing hockey on Friday, January 25.  They went to the Keg for dinner.  I assumed he was out with his hockey buddies having some beers celebrating his birthday.  I was home with our girls.

In the summer at a golf tournament, my husband won tickets for a Royals hockey game.  He could choose any game to attend.  He chose 4 tickets on the date of his birthday to attend the Royals Pink in the Rink Game raising funds for breast cancer.  We attended as a family all dressed in pink.

I bought my husband and kids souvenir scarves to wear as well as 8 ‘chuck a-pucks’ to throw out during one of the intermissions.  We split the pucks so we each had 2 to throw.  My husband won closest to one of the 3 circles.  I went to collect his prize.  The prize was 2 tickets to the Rihanna concert on April 1 in Vancouver, hotel for the night and air fare.  The prize package was probably worth about $1000.  When I gave my husband his prize he thought it was great.  We were all so excited.  The girls indicated they wanted to go to the concert so we talked briefly about how we would have to see if we could get 2 more tickets.

Then we looked at the date of the concert.  It was the date we were booked to fly home from Florida.  My husband literally had a tantrum.   He yelled at me that I booked our trip to come home from Florida that day and he hadn’t wanted to stay that long in Florida in the first place.  It was all my fault we now wouldn’t be able to go to the concert and he wanted to go.  I suggested that we could do something; maybe change our return flight home to a day earlier or still go the concert as we arrived home 5 hours before the concert started.  I suggested that maybe we could fly from Florida into Vancouver instead of Victoria and I was trying to think in my mind how we would handled our luggage, etc.

Firstly, I couldn’t believe he was acting this way and then acting this way in front of the kids.  Yes, it would have been nice to go to the concert but it was on a Monday night, there were only 2 tickets so we either had to get 2 more tickets for the kids and the kids would miss school the next day or we had to find them some place to stay on a school night while we attended.  We have no family here to look after the kids.  We would also need to find someone to look after the dog if we went over night.  It wasn’t simple logistically to figure out so wasn’t it a great prize to sell to someone else and take the money to use on our vacation?   Plus, wasn’t our family vacation going to be great enough.  It was our Christmas gift to the kids.  Wouldn’t we want that extra day to enjoy Disney World?

I mentioned his tantrum and how his behaviour made me feel and he did apologize to me afterwards.  We decided to sell the tickets.

On March 5, 2013 my husband made comments to me about e-mails that I sent my friends including a photograph of the girl that I thought was the other woman.  I thought the only way he could possibly know this is because he went onto my computer when he came in the house with no one here as we knew he had done the night before when he knew the rest of us were out of the house.

When I called my husband out on that he said in an email to me on March 5, 2013 @ 9:00 a.m.:

“No…I’ve been told what you’re sending to people…. but you went through my emails?  Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you?” 

He is referring to me taking his Blackberry on February 28 to see if I could find any evidence of indiscretions.  I responded by e-mail on March 5, 2013 @ 12:37 p.m.:

“I never went through your e-mails–ever in the 23 years I have been with you.  I’ve never snooped through your drawers, pockets, pagers, phones, etc.  I don’t even know how to use your Blackberry.  Sadly, I trusted you explicitly and let you live your life completely free.  I never once thought you would do this to us and our family.  I thought you loved me.  I thought you loved your kids.  I thought you loved and valued everything we built together.  I am devastated.  I am betrayed.  I am the saddest person on this planet right now.  I ache so deeply for this loss especially for my children who have lost every security they thought they had.  It is unrepairable.  This will affect forever the relationships that they will have.   The best gift my parents every gave me was raising me in a secure marriage.  I am so sad I can’t give my children that gift.  I am so sad my husband didn’t love or respect me enough to fight for our marriage, to fight for our family, to go to counseling like I suggested.  I got counselor names, I told you how much I loved you and would do anything for you.  I am sad that my kids know that you gave up on us.  That we weren’t enough for you.”

His response on March 6, 2013 @ 7:57 a.m.:

“Did you pack the Rihanna tickets somewhere.  I haven’t seen them and would like to sell them.”

 

 

 

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cheating, control, debt, deceitfulness, family, infidelity, legal proceedings, lies, marriage breakdown, other woman, parenting, relationships, separation

My emotions start spilling out

On Monday, March 4 at 7:24 a.m. my husband sends the following e-mail:

“Can you tell me why you’ve put $30,000 on our line of credit?”

I respond at 9:27 a.m.:  “You are the one who owes me explanations, not the other way around.”

He responds at 9:37 a.m.:

“I’m happy to discuss whatever you’d like to chat about.  What I would appreciate is you stopping the childish behaviour so that we can all try and move on.  I asked a valid question and you come back with a childish response.  I ask you that I would like to leave my stuff until I can get a rental and you dump it in front of the office.  If that’s what makes you feel better fantastic but you aren’t helping us to move forward.  I sure hope you didn’t have the kids involved in that little stunt.  Really makes you look petty in the long run.

Anyways I’ve got a line on a rental basement suite on (street that leads to my street) that I wanted to discuss with you.  Are you open to this?

My response at 11:21 a.m.:

“I am so glad you’d be “happy” to discuss whatever I want.  We know how important it is for it to be (husband’s name) who is happy at the expense of everyone else.  So here is my “chat”.

Don’t you dare talk to me about being childish and don’t you dare try to pull your morality bullshit with me.  I don’t give a shit what you appreciate–You want to leave your stuff here, you want to live in the neighbourhood, you want to fuck who you want to fuck and come home and play house.  You couldn’t even tell me the truth when I asked you point blank.  If you had have acted like a man instead of a child we wouldn’t be in this place.  You would have just manned up and said you met someone else and moved out and no one would have seen your depraved fucked up love life spilled out and now spewed and polluted in our minds forever.  If you had have been a man you would have said you couldn’t meet us for dinner at Red Robin instead of making us wait 45 minutes while you were with your GF/LF and then lied and tried to make me look like the idiot by saying you never said you’d be there for 6 and had a claim to go out on.  If you had have been a man you wouldn’t have lied about going out for your birthday with your hockey team, your phone being on vibrate so you couldn’t hear it, working, working, working and then us finding out you are even missing work to be with someone other than your family.   And how dare you fuck someone else and come back and fuck me so now I have to go and be concerned about my  health.  Even children know better, are less selfish and have more of a conscience, more of a heart and sense of well-being and concern for others.  Only children can be as ungrateful as you are for what you had.  You are the petty one in the long and short run.

I want nothing to do with you and I want you as far away from me as possible.  If I never, ever see you again it will be way too soon.

So let’s try this again:

I want your stuff gone from our house.  You can tell me today when would be the most convenient time for you to pick it up on Tuesday and I will do my best to accommodate that time.  I will have everything in the driveway for you.  Your bike and hockey equipment will be there so be prepared to make 2 trips if necessary.  There isn’t that much stuff left but if you do not do this, I will be kind enough to hire a delivery service directly to your office for your convenience.  You can get a storage unit.  I will no longer be your storage unit for anything.  I also expect you to stay to the time window you tell me.  Do not come earlier and do not come later.

You’re concerned about the $30,000? Maybe if you were more concerned with our finances and your family than what you have been concerned about lately and sat down to create a budget with me like I asked you would know we have no money right now to pay for a family vacation and at the same time pay for you to have another life on the side, our daughter in private school, our other daughter with all her new dance expenses and our regular ooh oohs like needing new tires and new brakes, etc.  I used the $30,000 to pay the Visa, Amex, trip, etc.  It is all documented and the transfers will be shown on our account.

I was disappointed by you yet again when you managed to take all the documents I left out for you except the legal information.  If you say you want the kids to be a priority then get your legal affairs in order now so we can move forward with the separation agreement.  That is the one way you can start to let them know and me to know that you do want to make them a priority in your life.”

(my name)

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cheating, control, family, father/daughter, friendship, infidelity, marriage breakdown, mother/daughter, other woman, passive/aggressive, separation

Disposing of my husband’s belongings

My husband told me that he would arrive at 2:00 p.m. on Sunday, March 3, 2013 to pick up his belongings.

I had everything neatly packed in garbage bags and boxes and left at the back door of our unrented suite in our downstairs.  I left the door unlocked so he could just come in.  My daughter planned to go over to her friend’s house before her dad arrived.  She did not want to see him.   She felt strongly about taking our dog with her as she didn’t want her dad to see the dog.  My younger daughter was already at a friend’s home.  My older daughter came in with her friend at 1:20 p.m. to get the dog to leave.  She was just heading down the stairs when she saw her dad’s vehicle pull into the driveway.  He arrived at 1:30 p.m.; a half hour early.

My older daughter went into sheer panic.  She was mad he was early; she was mad she hadn’t left earlier; she was mad she was trapped in the house; she was mad she was almost out the door and if she had been he would have seen her; she was mad he was in the garage instead of in the back getting his belongings; she was mad he was in the garage for a very long time.  I finally told her to just go out the front door and not look back, that daddy was in the garage and wouldn’t see her.  She was afraid he was going to exit the garage as she was leaving but she took the dog, I opened the door and she and her friend left the house.

Just as I opened the front door for them to leave a girlfriend of mine had arrived and was standing on the front porch.  Her son had contacted her (my daughter’s friend that she just left with) to say that my husband had arrived.  She wanted to be with me for support while he moved out his belongings and she wanted to be there for me in case he tried to come upstairs to see me.  I had all the doors locked leading to where I was and since he didn’t have anything to say to me the day he left when he knew I knew about the affair, I suspected he still had nothing to say to me.

I’m not sure how long he was there–one hour, maybe an hour and a half max.   I did feel emotional.  I felt a deep sadness in the pit of my stomach.  I still couldn’t believe this was happening.  I wanted him to want to talk to me.  I wanted him to try to make an effort to see me.  I wanted him to be asking me for forgiveness, to say he was sorry, to say he would do anything to fight for our marriage and that it was all a terrible mistake on his part.  I know that I told him I didn’t want to see him or talk to him but I wished he felt so much anguish and regret over his actions that he had do anything to apologize.  But he didn’t.  Eventually he was done and he just got in his vehicle and left.

After he was gone I went downstairs.  Instead of taking all his belongings like I asked, he opened bags and left them strewn around the room. Now I felt anger.  He said he would be at our home for 2 p.m. and came a half hour earlier.  Now instead of coming to get all of his belongings, he only took a few things.

My girlfriend had stayed in touch with her son and told him that he and my daughter could come back as her dad had left.  My daughter was equally as mad that he didn’t take all his things.  She wanted to pack up everything and dump his stuff at the home of the other woman.  I also wanted to remove his items from our house but not in a mean-spirited manner.  I wanted to take away his control for being able to come back when he pleased to get the rest of his things.  I didn’t want him popping in at his convenience or whenever he felt he needed something.   I wanted to help him to move out his belongings and I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he must not have been able to take everything all on his own or surely he would have.  Maybe he couldn’t fit everything in his truck.

We could help.  And so we did.   I felt better already doing something to take back the control.

My girlfriend, her 16-year old son, my 15-year old daughter and I filled 2 cars with his belongings.  We stopped to get a bite to eat first and then drove to my husband’s office.  He is a partner in the company where he works.  His company owns the building where he works.  Therefore I was not dumping on public property.  I had sought the advice of a friend in law enforcement before I did this.  She also told me that I had to be careful that his belongings were protected.  His office is on the 3rd floor of an outside walk up.  His belongings would be protected from being seen by the street below and they were protected from weather by a covered roof.

When we arrived at my husband’s office, we noticed  one of his colleagues coming down the stairs.  It was Sunday but not uncommon for them to go into the office to catch up on work over the weekend.  When he left, my girlfriend went around the back of the office to the parking lot.  My husband’s vehicle was there!  It was daylight still so we left and came back home.  We waited until dark and went back at around 10:00 p.m.  No on was there now.  We took all of his belongings and left them outside his office with signs all around that said,  “Property of (Husband’s Name)”.  My daughter also left a framed photo that said “#1 Dad” and changed it to read “Worst Dad”.  She felt strongly about leaving it on top of his belongings.  There were probably about 25 garbage bags and 4 boxes.

It was another bonding moment for my daughter and me.  We were bonding over a situation that we both wished we were not involved but it was a way for us to deal with the sexual text messages and e-mails that we found on my husband’s phone.  It was a way that we were able to support each other, express our anger, take some control and send a message to my husband and her dad that we can dispose of his belongings the way he chose to dispose of his family for another woman.

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