adultery, affair, Betrayal, Bible, Christianity, Christmas, divorce, faith, God, infidelity, Janice Andrews, Love, lying, marriage, promises, Spirituality

The Ghosts of Christmas

The Ghost of Christmas Past:

Spent my 4th Christmas post-affair. I honestly don’t look back and long for the Christmas’ with my ex. We always had great celebrations whether it was commuting to the three sets of parents’ homes all in different cities and sometimes my birth father’s side of the family as well or whether it was just the 4 of us after our move to British Columbia. All good memories (except our last Christmas together when my ex was already involved with Janice and ignored me at his company Xmas party and over-drank and was obnoxious at my sister’s place during our family celebration and then was rude and impatient with me the next morning).

The Ghost of Christmas Present:

This was the first year my ex purchased a gift for the girls to give to Janice. He gave it to my younger daughter to bring home and wrap. I have no idea what it was–something from The Body Shop I think based on one of the bags she left at our front entrance. When she told me she had to wrap a gift for Janice I asked if her dad bought her paper. No, she was expected to use my wrapping paper. No idea what paper she chose or what it looked it–bows, ribbons, tag, etc. I wonder if Janice really opened it up and thought how nice that the girls shopped for her and chose something for her. Something as special as soap. Guess it is Dave’s way to pretend it is a family Xmas where everyone exchanges gifts and niceties out of love for each other.

The girls and I had a very fun Christmas Eve. I gave them their traditional Xmas pajamas gift to open and they immediately put them on. We took selfies on my bed with all the pets and stayed up very late.

Christmas morning was relaxed and fun. I went on a walk with the dog in the afternoon and we went to our friends’ farm for dinner.  Our friends said that it made their Christmas table much more lively having us there. We played a game afterwards with presents and came home with a new disco snowman and a disco tree decoration.

The Ghost of Christmas Future:

As I celebrated the birth of Christ, I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future. It came in the form of scripture.

I was reminded that for me to know Jesus requires that I share in his sufferings (Romans 8:17). Betrayal was the biggest part of his suffering and now I know what it feels like to be betrayed by the one who knew me the best and who I loved the most and who should have loved me back the most in this world.

NIV Galatians 6:17 “Let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” That is a warning for Janice and Dave. For me Jesus says in NIV John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble.” Jesus tells me though to take heart because he overcame the world and I will, too!  In this same scripture Jesus says to have peace despite the trouble because I am not alone; God is always with me.

I may have suffered the loss of my marriage due to an affair because of evil, greedy, lustful and selfish people but Isaiah 61:1 -7 lists all the promises I can claim because God “love(s) justice; (and he) hate(s) robbery and iniquity.” Janice robbed me of my husband. She took what wasn’t hers to take. Like a thief, she will always know she obtained what she has dishonestly at great cost to others and at a loss to her reputation, trust and integrity.  It is a lie and will be a constant reminder for herself and others of who she is at the core of her being. She shouldn’t be sad when the next thief steals it from her especially because she puts it on display; it never belonged to her in the first place. The same holds true for Dave. What a waste of time and effort and money trying to hold on to something that is just a lie and false security.

Regardless of my husband’s broken promises, God promises to me in this scripture that he will always be faithful and will reward me with his everlasting covenant that no one can steal from me.   Jesus is in me and will lead me where he wants me to go. I trust that! My husband left me, Jesus did not.

I know there will be battles in my future but I will get up and get in the ring and fight to knock Satan out so I can claim my victory! God works everything out for the good of those who love him (NIV Romans 8:28).

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, Bible, cheating, children, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, faith, God, infidelity, Janice Andrews, other woman, sin

Is the Honeymoon Over?

I like the idea of Dave and Janice being together for the rest of their lives and having to live with the consequences of choosing their new path. I know they will be repaid accordingly in life for the hurt, damage and selfishness they chose instead of doing right but I don’t need to know how that destiny unfolds.

I would not want to be Janice and be held accountable to God for what he brought together and she chose to tear apart. Dave carries an even higher onus of responsibility. As a Christian, baptized as an adult, choosing to live for Christ, he knows the scripture promises. He should be shivering, as even Satan trembles at the mention of God, but instead lives in arrogance and debauchery denying God, his word, his children, his faith and his responsibilities.

So I have to say I was a little disappointed when my younger daughter happily proclaimed to my eldest daughter, when she came home for Canadian Thanksgiving in October, that she hadn’t seen Janice since my older daughter left for university in the summer. My oldest daughter said that Janice was coming to dinner with their dad and them over the weekend but she didn’t show up. The kids discussed that Janice and Dave went to Vegas for her 50th birthday in September and talked about how they went to a Cirque du Soleil show (unimaginative gift since he took me for my 40th and took me to a Cirque du Soleil show, too)but they were speculating whether or not the relationship had hit the end of the road.

When my youngest daughter told me that Janice was in the vehicle when we saw them coming off the ferry in November my youngest daughter told my oldest daughter. When he wasn’t bringing her to see my daughter dance I then wondered to myself if maybe the trip to Vancouver was last minute and a way to try and rekindle something or simply Dave using her for company so he didn’t have to be alone or maybe another girl bailed. My experience with him when we dated was that he would pick fights and use that as an excuse to go out with other women and probably did that in our marriage as well now that I have hindsight. I suspect this leopard shows off his same spots and that Janice will fail to acknowledge the truth of Mr. Duplicity at least until her guaranteed destruction can’t be ignored.

It was only yesterday that my youngest daughter came home and announced her lucky streak was over. Janice came with them to lunch (actually at a new burger place right around the corner from my yoga studio where my daughter pointed out my car to them in the parking lot as they drove by and it is a place that I frequent and almost went for lunch yesterday as well).

So I smile as the two of them deservingly are still together. I would never want them to miss out on everything that is still to come.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, narcissism, other woman, parenting, the other woman

Team Canada Showcase this Weekend

It is a huge honour that my youngest daughter was selected to dance for Team Canada.  We leave for Riesa, Germany next week where she will compete on the world stage.

Today we are back in Fort Langley, British Columbia for the Team Canada performers to put on a show for friends and family.  This is their first and only dress rehearsal performance before the competition.

Our daughter was allowed 6 tickets maximum.  She wasn’t going to ask her dad to come to see her dance.  He has had zero involvement in encouraging her and supporting her Team Canada dancing.  He refused to pay any portion of the expense–$3600 was just the starting point and he refused to take her to any of her rehearsals which involves a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride every Sunday ($88.20 one way for me and my daughter) and then a 45 minute drive to get to the studio. Then we do it all again coming back. He did end up giving her $250 this week for her trip and he bought a raffle ticket from her for a draw at the show.

I, however, cared more about my daughter having audience members who were there specifically to watch her.  I thought it would mean something to her if her dad was one of those people so I invited him to attend. He didn’t respond right away but he eventually said he would go.  I asked how many tickets he wanted and he said “just me”.

I invited him 3 weeks before the performance. When he replied he would come I asked him if he would be getting a hotel in Fort Langley because it would be too late after the show to make the last ferry.  He asked what time the show started and after I told him I didn’t hear from him for two weeks.  A week before the performance I asked him again about his hotel stay and got to my point about asking him directly if our daughter could stay over night with him in Fort Langley as she had her final rehearsal the next day from 12 to 2.  I asked him if he could take her to that rehearsal and then bring her home on the ferry afterwards. I told him how cute the downtown was and how it was filled with interesting history, amazing eateries and shops to help pass the 2 hours.  His response was that he had other plans and she couldn’t stay with him.

I don’t know why I was surprised or why I even felt annoyed by his response as it is completely on par with everything else he has done or hasn’t done for his children since our separation. I also tried not to speculate on what he was doing that he couldn’t have our daughter stay over night with him. I figured he was bringing Janice Andrews, the other woman, with him but then was wondering why he would leave her at the hotel and not bring her to support our daughter.  She went to her recital in June.  Also, our daughter has had to stay in a hotel with them before so could they really not sacrifice having sex one evening (they could have it before the show) in order to support her?  I wondered if he was planning on bringing a different woman with him instead.

Now I was going to have to drive back to Vancouver after the show only to return back to Fort Langley the next day.  It is close to an hour drive. At least I am staying for free with my older daughter. I couldn’t justify getting a hotel room myself in Fort Langley  as I can’t afford it and I have to drop my niece off at her place in Vancouver after the show. Even if I didn’t have my niece and just had my older daughter with us I would still have to drive into Vancouver the next day to bring my daughter home which would  then add another hour and 45 minutes on to our commute after the Sunday rehearsal.

Both the girls and I had hoped that Dave would have allowed our daughter to stay over night with him because I would have been able to spend Sunday with my older daughter as her 19th birthday will occur while we are in Germany.  We had talked about going shopping for some things she really needed and that she hoped I might get her for her gift.  We can’t do that today as we have to be in Fort Langley for 12:45 p.m. for my daughter’s lighting and technical blocking rehearsal before the show. Now instead I will have to take my younger daughter back to Fort Langley again on Sunday. My younger daughter made a disgusted type gesture blowing air out of her mouth and  rolling her eyes when I told her that she wasn’t able to stay with her dad after the show.

Friday, November 11 was the Canadian statutory holiday in British Columbia for Remembrance Day.  As both my daughters had no school, we decided to head over to Vancouver a day early.   My ex texted our daughter while we were waiting to board the ferry.  He asked which ferry we would be on.  She told him and he said he was going to be on the same ferry.  He told her that he was going to Vancouver to meet friends for dinner that night. How lovely for him.  He was going to be getting a hotel in Vancouver not just Friday night but going back there Saturday night, too, after the show.

We never saw him during the trip across.  While we were driving off the ferry my daughter noticed him in the lane beside us.  I wouldn’t have recognized him because he bought a new vehicle. She waved to him and announced to me that Janice Andrews was with him.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, dance, divorce, ex spouse, Janice Andrews, other woman, separatiion

He let the Bat out of the Cave

It was my youngest daughter’s recital on the weekend.  She danced in 4 shows.  She had 7 dances in the Saturday evening show and 4 dances in the Sunday afternoon show.  The other 2 shows she just danced in the final production number.

When my husband left us for another woman he decided that it no longer mattered if my daughter had anyone watching her perform.  He certainly has been a “no show” at many of her events. Where we used to support her completely as a family and go to all her shows, he now may pick just one main one.  She has no other family who live locally to come and watch her and this year none of her grandparents flew in for recital. She has worked so hard all year practicing for this final event that it would make me sad to think that she didn’t have anyone personal in the audience attending specifically for her.  I usually buy an extra ticket and invite a girlfriend to come and watch just so she has more people to cheer her on and appreciate her talent and hard work.

In that respect, I was fine with my ex bringing “the other woman”. I just wanted my daughter to feel like people cared enough to come and see her and if that is what gets her dad out then so be it. It is the first time he has brought the OW out to something where he hasn’t hidden with her in the back and ducked out early.

I was walking down the aisle of the theatre with my older daughter to find our seats before the show started when my daughter exclaimed, “Oh well look at who is here.” She walked up and talked to her dad and Janice Andrews and when I realized who she was talking to I just kept going. I spoke to a friend who caught my attention as we were sitting in the same row and I was trying to figure out where in the row my seats were located. She said, “Yuck, did you see who is behind us?”  Interestingly enough she was sitting with her ex.  They always attend things as a family to support their daughter.  I just smiled and said that I better go around to the other side to access my seats.  Thankfully, I was sitting well away from my ex and the OW.  While I was walking to my seat another family engaged me in conversation and my thoughts were long from my ex already.  I had a glass of wine and was very excited for the show.

At intermission, my ex and the OW didn’t leave their seats.  My older daughter went to talk to them and after coming back from the washroom I stopped at seats just in front of them to speak to friends who had just returned from celebrating their wedding anniversary in Hawaii.

When the show was finished we all met outside at the backstage door and encouraged my daughter.  The OW didn’t say anything. When we were ready to go my ex and the OW walked ahead hand in hand.  It wasn’t even weird that my husband was holding hands with someone else. I have no emotional tie to him or them at all.  There was nothing about them that made me care what they did, where they were going or how they got there.  I was happy to be with my girls and to be going home with them.

I was back to see my daughter perform her 4 dances the next afternoon show and to go out for lunch with her afterwards between shows.  Her dad did not come to watch.  He obviously had more important things to do.

 

 

 

 

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abuse of power, adultery, affair, cheating, child support, children, divorce, Janice Andrews, other woman, separation, single parent

Meddling Other Woman Money Motivation

My older daughter returned from university at the end of April.

She lived with me for the summer last year and each time she returned from university she only stayed with me.  She decided that upon her return from university she would live with me for the 4 months she is home for the summer.

The other woman decided to discuss this with my daughter.  She tried to encourage her to live with her dad.  She said, “Your mom doesn’t even have a separate bedroom for you to stay in does she?”

My daughter was feeling very stressed by the other woman initiating this conversation with her.  I have no idea why she would get involved or even care.  When my daughter did live with my ex, she was left alone most of the time while my ex worked and then went to the other woman’s place afterwards.  Whenever I would drop her off there, no matter how late at night, his vehicle was never in the driveway and she always seemed to come home to an empty place. He would sleep at the other woman’s place and my daughter was by herself.

I suspect it is a money motivation.  I currently pay my ex child support for my older daughter as she lived with him for one school year following our separation.  As my ex has to pay more per child than I do based on his higher income level, he simply reduces his child support payment to me for our younger daughter by the amount that I owe him for our older daughter.

Now that it is obviously clear that both children are living with me full time, my ex is refusing to change the child support amount.  He initially tried to argue with me that our older daughter still hadn’t decided where she was going to live and she was just “visiting” me so she could see her pets and sister.  It has now been 1 month and she hasn’t stayed at her dad’s place once.  He argued that her resume had his address listed.  When she updated her resume, however, she listed my address and applied for jobs closer to my home. She obtained a full-time job and I am the one who drives her to work or gives her bus fare and I am the one who makes her breakfast before she goes to work, packs her a lunch and picks her up after work.

My ex said that if she does decide to stay with me he’s not saying he won’t pay support for her but it hasn’t happened yet.

He is now arguing that I don’t pay him support for our older daughter. This is his latest email to me on this topic:

” (Older daughter’s name) has not stayed with you full time since July 2015. (Older daughter’s name) primary residence has and remains as my place. Even her resume shows my address. Her mail is delivered to my address. Her belongings are at my place.

I’m not sure where you get the idea you pay support? You don’t pay anything. If so provide me with a copy of payments made to me? If you think that I don’t pay you any support for (older daughter’s name) is somehow you paying me, then you need to seriously rethink how you view things. And if you think you’ve paid for anything of (older daughter’s name) over the last two years other than a passport, again you’re seriously mistaken. I’m the one that she comes to and says Mom says it’s your responsibility to pay for things. You have a very strange way of viewing things at times.

I’m not continuing this dialogue with you. My lawyer has everything and it is up to the lawyers to communicate. If that hasn’t been done, then please have your lawyer follow up with (his lawyer’s name).”

We go back to court in June.  This is just another dispute to add to the list.

I did send the other woman an email to the work email address listed to contact her on her employment website telling her to mind her own business and to not interfere in trying to persuade my daughter where to live to suit her own agenda.

 

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, divorce, Janice Andrews, other woman, separatiion

The Mystery Poo

My older daughter sent me a screen shot of a message she received from her dad today.

Dad:  Did you come by my place to use the bathroom?

Daughter:  No? I am at work in Sidney. Why?

Dad: Over the weekend?

Daughter: No not at all.  Why?

Dad: There was a turd in my toilet.

Daughter: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!  I haven’t been there.

Maybe I’ll get a call from the police tomorrow questioning me as to whether or not I have a key to my ex’s place and asking for a sample of my DNA to rule out it belonging to me.  Another nutty complaint in the police file he and Janice are building against me.

Not sure if he was away with Janice over the weekend or away with someone else.  Maybe he’s copied a key to his place to one too many women and someone is sending him a stinky message.  I know he gave another girl at their work (the one I suspected he was having the affair with) his apartment key while he was away so she could come in and feed his fish.

Or it is the just the universe’s way of re-gifting what he has figuratively given to me and our girls so many other times during the past 3 years.

 

 

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adultery, affair, anger, Betrayal, cheating, children, dance, disappointment, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, marriage, separatiion, the other woman

Crappy Dance Dad

Dance competition season is here.

My 13-year old daughter competed on Friday performing her Jazz solo routine.  She came in second place and she won the Spirit Award.  Her dad was a no-show.

Tonight after her competition she asked me, “Was Janice there?”

I said, “I don’t know, was your dad there because I didn’t see him?”  She said, “I thought I saw Janice and it made me almost mess up my tap routine.”

While we were driving home her dad texted her and said, “Were you happy with your jazz routine?”

She texted back, “Did you see it?”

She then told him that if he had been there he would have heard the adjudicators give her individualized, very specific critiques about both of her tap and jazz solo routines. He would have heard that they only hand out 2 prizes, first and second place.  He would have seen her receive the second place award.  He would have seen her receive roses from the judges. He would have learned that first place and second place are now moving on to compete at Provincials.  He would have learned that his daughter achieved one of her goals and desires and is invited to Provincials for the first time in her life.

My daughter was congratulated by so many people.  People were taking her photo and photos of the first and second place winners. Her dad was not one of those people. He texted saying, “I didn’t stay because I just thought there were going to be comments and I didn’t know there were going to be awards.”

I was trying not to express how angry I was by his texts as she read them to me. I could hear her disappointment that her dad might have been there but couldn’t even be bothered to stay until the end. I thought, “I have been with her at dance from 10:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. today and you couldn’t bother to sit through commentary by very prestigious and accomplished judges specifically about your daughter’s dancing ability during her solos?”

Of all the times to bring the other woman because it just makes her look too uninterested to stay and that her dad once again put this woman as priority over her.  My daughter tried to protect her dad and make excuses for him by saying, “He probably left so Janice didn’t have to see you.” I didn’t respond.  I’ve been going through this for 3 years.  I have so much compassion for my daughter right now. I felt her sadness and disappointment. The highest dance honour she has received will be another reminded of her dad’s absence. I don’t need to reason with my child.  She knows the truth. I just vent here instead and her dad just puts more distance in his relationship with her.

I really tried hard not to let her dad’s indifference overshadow her amazing experience.  I took her to get a treat to celebrate and we focused on talking about all the great things that happened today at the competition.  I am so proud of her.  I am so proud of how hard she has worked for this and didn’t give up when she was feeling discouraged about her routine. I am so grateful that I was able to be there to share in her joy and to be part of her life and that she knows that.

We are back at it tomorrow from 8:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. as my daughter competes in all 3 sessions, morning, afternoon and evening, with her group dances. I am so tired but I am so lucky!

 

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