adultery, cheating, court, divorce

Carefree versus Careless

I received 3 harassing texts from my ex today all with the same 2-word message.  These came under his new email handle, “happyandcarefree”.

I think he is mistaking being carefree with being careless.  He may very well be acting like he has no worries, troubles or stress in his life but all of the things he is avoiding will catch up with him.  He may feel carefree because he physically left all of his responsibilities except his job behind.  However, I continue to receive some of his mail.  He hasn’t paid his medical service plan for months, he hasn’t paid our older daughter’s school bill, he owes a bill from an expense on our Cambridge property, he owes income tax and he still hasn’t filed taxes for 2014.

My lawyer is getting ready to file our order in court so my ex will have to appear before a judge to answer for not paying expenses he legally is required to pay me and that he agreed to pay in our mediation. He will also be required to obtain banking information that we suspect will show he failed to disclose money he has hidden in a bank account he failed to list in his prior affidavit.

There is a side to the definition of being carefree as someone who acts irresponsibly.  So if it was my ex’s intention of acknowledging himself as being irresponsible in his new handle then perhaps it does fit.

Synonyms for being carefree include lighthearted, joyous, blithe, airy, gleeful, cheery, elated, and happy-go-lucky.  Anyone who knows my ex would never describe him using any of those words.

I simply deleted all 3 of his messages without responding.  That feels carefree.

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affair, court, divorce, fighting, legal issues, separation agreement

The Wolf and the Lamb

I received an email from my lawyer today with a copy of an email from my ex’s lawyer. He was complaining I let myself into his house when he was away in Vancouver. Then he said I did the same thing the next week. His lawyer wrote my lawyer saying my behaviour was “troubling” and I had “boundary issues”. This is how he wastes our money. Money that could be spent on our kids’ needs, on my housing needs, on debt repayment and I am sure he has needs as well. Making up stories with half-truths to try and paint me in a poor light is only my ex’s ploy to deflect from the real issues of his non-compliance. There is no legal issue. No reason to involve lawyers. No crime committed. Nothing the lawyers can do.

His complaints come only because I have outlined the next steps that I have to take if he continues to refuse to split the pre-separation debt with me. I cannot and should not have to pay back $75,000 all on my own. He asked for the supporting documentation which I sent him and spelled it out very clearly. He said he would discuss this with his lawyer. He got back to me later in the day giving his reason that he wasn’t going to contribute because he didn’t think I would take him to court as it will cost me more than the $35,000 I will gain from him if I am successful.

Then I asked him about the documents he has failed to provide to my lawyer that we need to move forward. He claims first he only just received notice they were needed last week and he was out of town. Then that changed to him saying he already provided everything. That changed to him saying he couldn’t provide his full income tax return because he hasn’t filed it yet. Then he claimed his life insurance never lapsed and it has been in force all along for $500,000. I asked him then why his lawyer wrote saying he was shopping for premium rates and that he should only have to get $300,000 in coverage instead of the $750,000 he had before. Then he claimed that his lawyer released funds to my lawyer from a property we sold that was to pay for all the things he was supposed to pay for in our mediation agreement but hasn’t. He said that I chose not to use this money. He said as a result I can pay the consequences for that decision. My lawyer is not at liberty to disperse any of that money without my ex and his lawyer confirming in writing how it can be spent and I have seen her letters following up repeatedly for this information.

I will address his complaint about my boundary issues and letting myself into his place in my next post. But as I was watching a rare electrical storm for this area and unable to sleep, I pulled out a copy of Aesop’s Fables. I came across one about the wolf and the lamb and it underscores perfectly what is happening between me and my ex with this current situation.

“As a wolf was lapping at the head of a running brook he spied a lamb daintily paddling her feet some distance down the stream.
“There’s my supper,” thought the wolf. “But I’ll have to find some excuse for attacking such a harmless creature.”
So he shouted down at the lamb: “How dare you stir up the water I am drinking and make it muddy?”
“But you must be mistaken, ” bleated the lamb. “How can I be spoiling your water, since it runs from you to me and not from me to you?”
“Don’t argue,” snapped the wolf. “I know you. You are the one who was saying those ugly things about me behind my back a year ago.”
“Oh, sir,” replied the lamb, trembling, “a year ago I was not even born.”
“Well,” snarled the wolf, “if it was not you, then it was your father, and that amounts to the same thing. Besides, I’m not going to have you argue me out of my supper.”
“Without another word he fell upon the helpless lamb and tore her to pieces.”

“The Application: ANY EXCUSE WILL SERVE A TYRANT.”

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