adultery, blogging, bullying, cheating, divorce, Falsehood, Fraud, Janice Andrews, lies, the other woman

Bullying, Mobbing and Heroes and Heroines

I have had more than 125 comments flood my inbox in the last 2 days, most of them over the last day. They are in response to my ex discovering my blog and using a posse of coercers to try and pressure me to shut it down.

Although it turns out he is only trying to make it look like a posse of coercers. He is in fact both Sally and Happy and it is the same person who is Devil’s Advocate, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, Two Wrongs don’t make a right and WTF. Once a deceiver always a deceiver. Perhaps Azif, Troubles Brewing and Silly Sally’s Sister are separate coercers. Then there is Chris who is pro Janice but seems to be separate. He knows them but doesn’t seem to be exactly on side.

The comments range from being crude, offensive, mocking, coded with inside jokes and innuendos between the fake commentators, defamatory, baiting, and all of them for the most part identify me and where I live (I’ve never hidden where I lived).

The definition of bullying involves “using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone typically to force him or her to do what one wants.” Synonyms include: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate, strong arm and dominate.

Wikipedia indicates that “Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict.[1] Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets.

“If bullying is done by a group it is called Mobbing.”

“Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more ‘lieutenants’ who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities.”

I believe I am being accused of bullying by this posse because I posted the name of Janice Andrews and that she lives in Victoria, BC. There is no goal to intimidate her to do anything by that post. I was simply posting a fact. She cheated with my spouse and did so publicly. It is not even a private fact. She was not hiding her behaviour. She was using both of her work emails and work phone to engage in the affair. She used work functions and other social outings with my husband to display her behaviour.

I believe that my ex is however using bullying tactics in an effort to intimidate me to stop blogging. He has repeatedly stated my full name, maiden and married, along with where I live on every single post I have entered. He has attempted to contact me with false names under false pretences. He has encouraged other people to identify me and to contact me with false names and negative comments. He orchestrated an ambush of aggressive insults by several people over the course of an entire day. Or at least he tried to make me believe that was what was happening when it was possibly only 2 people the entire time pretending to be 6 different people. They both also attacked anyone who has ever supported me, encouraged me or sided with me on any of my posts.

Amongst all of this appear some heroes and heroines. No one that I asked to come to my defence. No one that I have any relationship with outside of this blog. Some who called out Dave even as they ridiculed or admonished me. None the less they let Dave know he was not held in high regard and put the blame solely on his shoulders. They commented he lied to both me and Janice. (They seemed very pro-Janice). It could be another fake personality but Dave went begging this person trying to plead his case. I am mostly proud of Nephila, KCRambles and Whoresnotwelcome. They stood their ground and showed no fear or intimidation or waiver in their point of view.

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abuse, affair, anger, blogging, bullying, cheating, cruelty, divorce, the other woman, unfaithfulness

The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

I apologize for a bunch of nasty comments left by my ex, the other woman and their friends.

I deleted some horrific ones but I will just let them reveal themselves for who they are and then I think you will see that my experience as reported is on mark.

I think it is very low of them to be communicating with a 15-year old who’s parents are causing her a lot of emotional distress and who reached out to me for support. The lies they told her about my daughter being kicked out are very far from reality. I cannot control their actions but I will not let their bullying stop me from sharing my experience or trying to help someone else manoeuvre through their experience.

This is my journey, my experience and my truth. I am only reporting what is going on in my life as it relates to my experience with a cheating spouse and the legal system. This was never a blog about bashing my ex or the other woman. This was never a blog about trying to make me look good. I know I look very ugly with my responses and actions. This is the reality of a nasty divorce and being on a path I never expected to be on.

This was a forum where I could share my experience. I had never blogged before and had no idea how to do it or how many people I would meet going through similar experiences. Everyone has been so kind and generous with support, compassion and advice. These were private, vulnerable posts. These were never meant to be seen by my ex.

It was pointed out to me by several professionals and friends throughout the last 2 1/2 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I have never posted the emails that would likely confirm this. It might be very difficult for me to go back and read those. I am told I may still be protecting my ex and that I may even be in denial about the abuse as I defend him sometimes for the cruel things he said to me. I had a friend share that she was horrified when we went out to dinner as couples one night. She shared that the mean things he would criticize me about were not funny and yet I would laugh as though it was a joke. I would never want his children to see the things he wrote to me and I did share with a handful of my friends about my blog so I might be embarrassed for them to see that as well. Now that my ex has discovered the blog and started posting things one friend contacted me telling me that she is afraid for me as she always considered my ex to be “dangerous”. She feels like I should contact the police because these are clearly messages meant to harass me. She texted me this morning saying, “You have had years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.” She went on to say, “I’m worried about you and the girls.” It is clear he is continuing to try and abuse me emotionally and trying to use my blog against me.

Her advise is for me to take the blog off line. I think this is again part of my journey with my ex and it is being documented as such. I hope that anyone who happens upon my blog will learn from it. Maybe both people going through the break up can read this and say, “We do not want to be these people.” “We want to make better decisions and hurt as few people as possible through this process as well as protect our children and our finances.”

Clearly by my ex and his friends posting my name, they do not care about my children being identified. As one blogger pointed out, they have now seen my Facebook page and photos of my children. I have no problem sharing my name and identity as I stand by what I write. I never exposed my ex’s identity as I never wanted my children to read these posts. Thank you Dave, Janice and friends for being so concerned about protecting children.

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